btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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