She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
