how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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