Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
