Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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