He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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