I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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