K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
