I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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