Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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