Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
