Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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