remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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