He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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