he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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