I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?