Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?