No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.