rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.