i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices