Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina