Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
