i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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