i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
