definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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