do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
