By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
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We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.