whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Please. i have SOME standards
How does one acquire holy water?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan