Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(443): View more from Maryland

Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore

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(253): View more from Washington

Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.

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(847): View more from Illinois

I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(416): View more from Ontario

you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night

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(310): View more from California

Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.

(310): View more from California

Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.

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(614): View more from Ohio

I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.

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(989): View more from Michigan

The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..

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(208): View more from Idaho

He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me

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