Texts From Last Night

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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time

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  (250): i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time http://tfl.nu/g1as
  Replies (19) Good night (2705) Bad night (758)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (1009) Bad night (4000)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess

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  (706): so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess http://tfl.nu/py20
  Replies (88) Good night (869) Bad night (5561)
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  (831): View more from California

  she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.

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  (831): she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it. http://tfl.nu/5c70
  Replies (16) Good night (4791) Bad night (1290)
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  (631): View more from New York

  You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone

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  (631): You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone http://tfl.nu/0bcu
  Replies (4) Good night (4490) Bad night (1068)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon

  (703): View more from Virginia

  she was in a cheetah costume

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  (703): got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon (703): she was in a cheetah costume http://tfl.nu/slro
  Replies (13) Good night (4743) Bad night (1095)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.

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  (775): You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes. http://tfl.nu/wxud
  Replies (22) Good night (1329) Bad night (5125)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.

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  (254): You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever. http://tfl.nu/wqqf
  Replies (3) Good night (2325) Bad night (1012)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know

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  (217): If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know http://tfl.nu/k0hk
  Replies (1) Good night (1394) Bad night (591)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.

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  (503): there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose. http://tfl.nu/3zcu
  Replies (1) Good night (1004) Bad night (607)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  ....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.

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  (908): ....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle. http://tfl.nu/zsd1
  Replies (3) Good night (1028) Bad night (474)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.

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  (218): Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else. http://tfl.nu/z0p4
  Replies (3) Good night (451) Bad night (881)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow

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  (727): Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow http://tfl.nu/i1m5
  Replies (4) Good night (430) Bad night (786)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.

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  (646): Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs. http://tfl.nu/sbu3
  Replies (1) Good night (401) Bad night (284)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.

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  (928): At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive. http://tfl.nu/brs2
  Replies (1) Good night (840) Bad night (244)

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