hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
