where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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