What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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