I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So many bounce houses so little time
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
