I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
did i walk over a car last night?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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