The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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