I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
