God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
