Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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