My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
