I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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