tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
