Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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