Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
