super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
