is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
