God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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