he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
