if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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