Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize