she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment