forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.