wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
COCAINE IS GR8