he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
