the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again