Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
