mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
