We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
