I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
