i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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