That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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