Pants 0. Shit 1.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He shit in the fireplace
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
