How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
