That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
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