why didn't you poke me back
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
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you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
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The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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