There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
