Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
