I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
