rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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