Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
