its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
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