I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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