People in love make me want to vomit
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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