so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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