i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
