I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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