I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
