AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
