There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
